Best Gay VR Porn

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Do gay men have more sex in VR?

Dear gay men, “wow, I really wish I was gay. Everything would be so much easier”, I have heard this sentence many times before. From friends, buddies, acquaintances. And as different as the men who uttered this sentence were, they all had one thing in common: Each of them was ankle-deep in a dry spell. In other words, they were single and had not had sex for weeks, even months. Had caught rejection after rejection, went home alone after every single club visit – drunk, disillusioned, frustrated.

The explanation was always the same: “If I were gay, I would just go to the nearest gay bar and the offers of sexual intercourse would just fly towards me” – that’s what many people seem to think. And apparently the sexual frustration and fixation at that moment is so strong that straight men actually believe, at least for a short moment, that homosexual people generally have it easier than they do.

As a gay man, do you just have to go to the nearest bar when you feel like having sex?

But what’s the point of the cliché that homosexual men have non-committal sex much more often and much faster than heterosexual men? Do gay men simply have to go to the nearest bar when they feel like having sex? Or even better, just install Grindr and have an attractive sex partner sitting at your side from the couch within minutes? What does this do to the expectation of a relationship or even the possibility of entering into a long-term partnership?

And how shitty is it to hear such unreflected sentences like the opening sentence? Because the fact that gays very often live in monogamous relationships is something that probably doesn’t need to be explained to anyone anymore. And that homosexuals are discriminated against again and again because of their sexuality or even experience violence, not even.

The one or other hetero has already raved about the paradisiacal sex life in the gay world. I can even understand you. Our sex life seems exciting, wild and uncomplicated – like porn, but real. And yes, if we want it that way, it can really be the way you imagine it to be. But that’s only part of the truth.

Non-committal sex is not uncommon among MSM, i.e. men who have sex with men – and by the way, these are not exclusively gay cis men. Yes, there are places we can visit if we feel like having fast, uncomplicated sex, for example bars, clubs and saunas. However: Just because they exist doesn’t mean that we all meet in the darkroom on Sundays after the crime scene for the homosexual general meeting. Personal tastes, preferences and needs are not given away at the cloakroom. And it’s also not like the men will be lining up the minute you walk in those places. You heterosexuals need to understand something: Being gay means that you like men, but not everyone. Believe me, we also know the feeling very well to leave home alone at five in the morning, frustrated.

For us it’s easy to arrange quick VR sex

I have often had sex with men by dating online. Cause that’s really convenient, too. Easily filter by hair colour to fetish, check hobbies or contraceptive methods, exchange greeting formulas and dickpics. So yes, there is definitely the possibility to order the next sex partner right outside the door in no time.

But it’s also true that users of these apps are sometimes blocked without a word minutes before the meeting after weeks of planning. Or that you are confronted with people sending out old photos, building palaces of lies or spontaneously forgetting that they actually wanted to take precautions. Profound conversations without insinuations are rarely conducted. At some point you can even predict the course of a chat. Ask a gay man what he associates with the sentence “Hi, what are you looking for?”

And then there are those moments in the middle of the night when you suddenly ask yourself: “Have I just spent six hours stupidly scrolling through the same online lists without having communicated with anyone at all? Believe me, dear heterosexuals, in this situation you feel puny and lonely.

There are enough men who live in monogamous partnership with another man. That’s nice. We almost all long for love and security. But it is certainly true that the apparent permanent availability of non-binding sex influences the life plan of many gay men. Does one rule out the other? It’s no secret that there are many gay relationships that deviate from the classic monogamous relationship of two. For many of them, this works out quite well. We have a lot of options and talk about them quite openly – but that also means a lot of trial and error until you find out what you really want. For many of us it takes a lifetime.

A lot of VR sex does not mean good sex without exception

The process of breaking away from conventions and exploring what is right for oneself is often exhausting. Ironically, this is exactly why I used to wish I were heterosexual. Meeting great love at school, getting married, family, happily ever after. I thought everything would be so much easier when I was straight – and this sounds familiar to you now – Sure, maybe that’s how it works in romantic Hollywood comedies, but real life usually turns out to be less straightforward.

So I can understand your envy. Yes, our sex life does seem very tempting. But remember, lots of sex does not necessarily mean good sex. And anyway, at the end of the day, sex is just one part of living a gay identity. We deal with problems, drama, heartache and even dry spells just like you guys.

Virtual reality porn: I am gay and have tried to sleep with a woman

I’m at the breakfast table with my wife under me. Slowly she undresses in front of me, wants to kiss me, her lips are getting closer and closer to me. Finally she pulls at my pants. “Did you miss that warm, wet mouth wrapped around your cock?” she breathes. So I pull the glasses off my head. That was too much.

I’m gay and yet for a long time I thought that sex was only normal between a man and a woman. That’s why I used to only watch porn with heterosexual couples and tried unsuccessfully to imitate the performances with my girlfriends of the time. The condom must be to blame for it not working, I told myself. Today I know that I simply like men. What I thought was normal sex for years, I never had. So why not use today’s technology to do just that?

The porn industry has high hopes of making big money in the future with VR films, i.e. virtual reality porn. The films, which are shot at a 180 or 360 degree angle especially for glasses, give viewers the opportunity to watch everything very closely, to look right and left and to experience the sex films from their own perspective. The point is to make porn movies as realistic as possible.

So I rent a pair of VR glasses online, which arrive at my home just a few days later. I unpack them, set them up and connect them to the internet. So now all that is missing is a film. This is not so easy, because countless platforms offer VR porn. I choose one that I claim to be the number one in VR porn, VRPorn.com, and get myself a premium account. 19 Euro per month and I’m in. Now all I need is a movie.

I just select the first movie, Fucking Breakfast Service, click on Start and get exactly the opposite of what I wanted

What immediately stands out is that almost exclusively porn is offered from the male perspective. In the category “Gay” there are 114 films. I only find 32 films from a “female point of view” and 105 in the category “For Woman”, which are contrasted by several thousand porn movies from a male perspective. This makes it clear for whom porn is produced: heterosexual men. For once, good for me, because this time I’m pretending to be one.

Actually, I have high expectations, after all it’s my first time. I’d like to see a porn movie in which women don’t just have to serve up for men’s fantasies and in which I realize that both actresses and actors have fun in the same way. So I would like to see a film that depicts realistic sex. But what do I know about it? All right, I just select the first movie, Fucking Breakfast Service, click on Start and I get exactly the opposite of what I wanted.

I’m already in another, much brighter living room, sitting at a table and looking at my watch – the actor, but that’s me – while a brunette woman in tight sportswear enters the picture. It’s creepy how real everything looks.

“Good morning, darling”, says the woman. I seem to be annoyed and frantically tap my watch. “Right, right, oh my god, I am so silly – breakfast!” she shouts and runs away. In the next minutes she serves me breakfast that I am not satisfied with. “Ham, ham, you like ham for breakfast, I am so stupid,” she pants, runs away and tries to please me with ham.

I can’t believe how close she is to me, and with a gesture of her hand she assures me that I am still alone.

I cover my bread with it, but still seem dissatisfied. “I know you work hard for both of us, to provide for our household. I am trying my best to give you back in return,” she apologizes. I tap my fingertips on the table, annoyed. “Vegetables!”, she calls, runs away and comes back with a plate full of vegetables. Fruit and coffee follow. I have breakfast alone. While she’s cleaning the floor. Surprisingly, I haven’t been able to get one up yet. I hope an ordinary morning in a healthy heterosexual relationship looks different.

After breakfast, she disappears up the stairs, comes back in suspenders and starts seducing me. Aha, there we go.

“Your breakfast view just got suddenly a lot better, hasn’t it?”, she asks and laughs. “I try to be the best wifey as possible.” She leans on my legs and looks deep into my eyes. I can’t believe how close she is to me and with a gesture of her hand I assure myself that I am still alone. I reach into the void. Again and again I look to the side, down, up. Then her mouth disappears into my lap.

That would be the moment when I should start to do it myself, but again I can’t get it up. Like when I was 15. I stop the film and take off my glasses. When I get up, I’m a little wobbly on my feet. The film contained everything I wanted to avoid. The woman was my object, I was the subject, and everything revolved around satisfying the man, that is me.

The sex therapist Ann-Marlene once said at a press conference of the industry that VR porn could take away the fear of the first time. So would I have saved myself a lot as a teenager if this technique had existed back then? She believes that the films would show a more realistic picture of sex in contrast to conventional pornography. I can’t confirm that yet. Good – that the actor speaks and acts as little as possible may help to put himself in his place more easily. But I was served as if I was in a male fantasy from 1951. Are VR porn movies perhaps even less women-friendly than conventional porn?

Try again. I put my glasses back on, dive into the VR porn world and click on one of the most popular films on the site: Horny Awakening.

In front of me lies a sleeping woman. I pull off her blanket, touch her and start fingering her. Wait a minute. Isn’t that totally assaulting? She wakes up and, unlike me, she’s not surprised or upset. “Good morning”, she says instead, and is happy to see me. Although she was just asleep, she doesn’t look tired, is perfectly made up and kisses me.

When I watch gay porn, I rarely have the feeling that everything revolves around just one person. Maybe that’s because gay porn is often produced by people who are also part of the target group. But hetero-porn is mainly produced by hetero men and they seem to have one thing in mind: themselves. Although there are now many studios that produce feminist and queer porn beyond all gender clichés, the mainstream is still dominated by male ideas about women. And this is also in line with the target group, because three quarters of all porn in Germany, at least those on the PornHub site, are watched by men. Among women, the most popular category is “Lesbian”. Pussy Licking” is also watched 260 percent more often by women than by men. Men probably prefer to watch porn movies to get a blowjob instead of watching a woman being satisfied.

In my film, the actress first goes to pee and then takes a shower while I watch her get it, and then – of course – starts giving me a blowjob afterwards. She constantly looks up at me and moans much too loud.

I take off my glasses. Another film, another try? I don’t really feel like it. And I don’t find feminist VR porn either. Is it because the production of VR films is more expensive? Or is it because the technology is still relatively new and the market is simply not yet so big? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am gay and that these films don’t do anything to me.

I’m putting my glasses away. If I don’t climax in a single film, my VR porn experience would be about as satisfying for me as my real heterosexual experiences were for my girlfriends at the time. I think I’ll pass. I know now: I’ve never missed anything in my life.

Is VR sex between gay men really easier and better?

Our author is repeatedly confronted by friends with their idea that sex among men is not as complicated as among heterosexuals – and even better. They are not quite right.

I always jokingly say that I have had two “firsts” in my life. The first sexual experience I had was not with men. Long before I became aware of my homosexuality, I had sex with a woman. And back then – being a boy and being attracted to girls just felt right – I was also quite proud to have finally lost my innocence. Not so much because it was the greatest night of my life (embarrassing five minutes in dim light is more accurate), but because I had it behind me. And because many fears about what might go wrong turned out to be unfounded after all.

So I was all the more relaxed when I was about to lose my virgin status for the second time and had sex with a man for the first time. Of course I was a bit nervous, but in the end the procedure was more or less the same and I was able to enjoy the whole thing much more. And… it was great! Because I was mature and relaxed and just focused on giving pleasure to myself and my partner. The fact that my partner was now finally a man helped, of course.

Push the buttons

Often when I talk to friends about this topic, I am confronted with their idea that sex between gay men would certainly be better and less complicated. After all, men would know exactly what the other one wants – and even non-binding flirtations would be more relaxed, because men basically always and at any time want to have sex.

Whether gay men really have better sex, I can of course not give a general answer. But I doubt it. In the end, the chemistry between the two protagonists of a love play has to be right – and that should apply to heterosexuals as well as non-heterosexuals, shouldn’t it? I wouldn’t subscribe to the thesis that only men would know where the buttons that have to be pressed are located in men. To assume only oneself is never the right tactic to make the other person feel pleasure. What one person likes may be a horror for the other – I made this experience relatively quickly. So if you don’t define the fastest possible climax as the non-plus-ultra of sex (which is actually a simpler matter for men than for women in most cases), I would totally disagree: Man-man sex is not per se better than man-woman sex.

A walk in the park

But what about the second hypothesis? Is it true that men can agree on sex faster and more relaxed than men with women? Again, there are exceptions – but by and large: Yes! I didn’t have to spend much time in the scene to realize that fast, noncommittal sex is always within reach at every corner. And sometimes even closer than you think.

I had dated a man online a few years ago. We wrote back and forth for a few days, found each other sympathetic and decided to get to know each other personally. Near my apartment at that time was a large, wide park, which was predestined for long walks and long conversations. So in the early evening we met, strolled comfortably through this park and had very fast interesting conversations. In the course of the time, it got more and more dark and the atmosphere became more intimate: one automatically walked closer together and also our voices became quieter, as if we wanted to avoid that the passing passers-by could hear us. (Also interesting: “No fat people, no Asians, no fags”: The discrimination among gays must stop!)

At some point we started to kiss. Not wrong, I thought to myself. But as the kisses got wilder and wilder and the kicks more and more courageous, I began to be suspicious. “Do you want to get out of here?” he said. “I really want to suck your dick now.” Oops. My date couldn’t get away fast enough. “Here?” I was trying to be as cool as I could. “Sure you did. You said you wanted to meet here? It’s dark enough as it is… It’s dark enough as it is. Okay, I realized… My “Let’s go for a walk” suggestion was interpreted by my date as “I love outdoor games.”

Boys just wanna have fun

Can you blame him? Looking back on my experiences in my dating time at that time, hardly. Especially on digital ways people talk about the search for sex in a completely blunt and open way. This goes so far that on almost all portals, in addition to the items “Search Friends” or “Search Dates”, “Search Sex” can also be made visible to everyone on the profile by default. Or the written phrase, which is probably sent by copy-paste to a gaggle of singles every minute and with which everyone who has ever been on a gay dating site has made acquaintance: “What are you into? Want some fun?” I like this open-minded approach. You can’t expect anything worse than a no. And at best, a yes, sometimes 10 exclamation points. (Read here: “Unoffited male, 40, seeks…” – The sad truth about men with double lives)

So also a big yes to the question whether gay men can have sex more easily. Could this behavior be transferred to heterosexuals? Many studies argue that the desire for sexual intercourse is due to testosterone levels, which are of course much higher in men than in women. In addition, sexuality and arousal in a woman is much more of a “head thing” and men can be stimulated much more by physical stimuli. Hence the popular belief: “Women want less sex, men more.”

I’m not a sexologist – and above all I’m not a woman. Therefore I don’t want to presume to make theses about the lust behaviour of women. But I do have one piece of advice… and it applies to all genders with any sexual orientation: Sexual desire is nothing to be ashamed of as a single man. By being open with each other, you save time and a lot of nerves. And there really shouldn’t be anything standing in the way of consensual sex. But: clear communication is the be-all and end-all. That would have also made life easier for my date from back then. Then he would have invited me to his house immediately – and wouldn’t have spent two hours walking through a park.